Showing up for yourself might be one of the most profound skills to learn. Why? Because you are the only one with yourself all the time, no one knows you better than you, and you are the only one who can truly manage your inner state.
We are usually taught to look outside ourselves for our answers, for our truth and to what everyone else is doing. So naturally being with ourselves, and learning how to hold our own hand metaphorically through good and bad times isn’t something that always comes natural. Having support from others is a beautiful thing. We need human connection like we need air. However, we deeply need connection with ourselves too, and many people are in a deficit.
What does showing up for yourself mean?
It means giving yourself the presence, attention, understanding and space to be who you are and feel what you feel. It is being your dearest friend through your life as it ebbs and flows, through the rough times and the times when you are flying high.
Showing up for ourselves regularly gives us the opportunity to relish in the heights of joy and love because we can also be present with the depths of our own darkness. When we resist and avoid the heavy feelings we have, we can’t fully embrace the amazing feelings. We just aren’t practiced in opening up to it all. We then try and cling to the good feelings and worry about feeling bad again. This creates a lot of resistance inside which is uncomfortable and painful to live with. When we continually show up for ourselves, we actually become more in the flow with who we are and that is a beautiful way to live. One where we can be on our own side, our own cheerleader, friend, and confidant.
Here are 3 Tips on how to show up for yourself.
1- Notice when you “Fly Away” from Yourself. When things get rough, do you check out? It is easy to have judgement about what we should and shouldn’t feel at any given moment. When we have judgement with how we feel, we tend to be less present with the uncomfortable emotions. However, just being with our raw feelings and sensations in our body allows for us to process and move through them. This doesn’t mean taking our feelings out on someone else. It is about being with our feelings and seeing what we can learn and let go of.
It is great to be aware of when you do “fly away” from yourself because then you can start to change that pattern by kindly directing your awareness and attention back to yourself in the moment when it happens.
2-Communicate with Yourself Regularly. I talk to myself all the time. Out loud. You don’t have to do it out loud, but it’s important to create a conversation with yourself. Ask yourself several times a day “How am I feeling?” Respond and just be with it, without needing to fix it, change it or smooth it over. Just be as present as you can with your feelings. A practical tip is to set reminders on your phone several times a day, asking yourself this basic question. Changing from a “one way street” type of relationship with ourselves to a communicative one can bring a ton of insight into who you are and what you need. It also helps lessen resistance to how you feel. Once emotions are felt, heard, and acknowledged, they move.
3-Bring Yourself Back to Your Body and Breath over and over and over. Our body is always in the present moment and our breath is the unifying force to help us return back. When we are living in the awareness of our body as we function in the world, we are living a more integrated life. One where we are experiencing all of who we are, not just our thoughts. When we sink into our bodies, our feelings can be processed on a deeper level, and moved through in an easier and quicker way once we get the hang of it. Just remind yourself several times a day to take a pause, a deep breath and feel your body wherever you are.
If your desire is to feel more alive, vibrant, loving, happy and joyous in your life, the path is through showing up for yourself. This is the path to self love.
