I am finding deeper flow in my life lately. Here are some of my musings and also lots of tangible lessons and insights. I am hoping to inspire you, even in the slightest with this…
My 3-Year-Old and I.
We are heading out the door to the store and the bank and then the playground. Must hit the potty first on the way out, shoes on and we have all our belongings… I think (I’m always questioning if I forgot something)
She’s walking down the front walk with her large stuffed rainbow haired pony under her arm. I walk ahead getting the door open and ready for her to climb into the car. I look back again (my eyes are never off of her for more than a few seconds) and she’s pretending the pony is walking on the sidewalk also. As a free flowing 3-year-old, why would the pony not walk as she?
She’s partially in the car when she says “ I want my pocket book and my butterfly mask.”
Me “ ok but we have to go get it in the house.”
We go back in, get both things and now we are headed back to the car. She always notices the potted flowers on the front step commenting on whose flowers are who’s. “This one’s mine and this one’s Nana’s, no this one’s Nanas and this one’s mine and this one’s yours….”
Off to the car with her butterfly mask on, pocketbook in hand and her dress over her pants and shirt ( too cold to wear only a dress), and sparkly shoes of course.
Climb in, seat belts on. Off we go.
Pull up to the grocery store to get some non-grocery items: a few random things and some Mother’s Day cards. We admire the flowers outside before walking in.
She picks out a cart and I put her in. We are off, she’s looking at all the things, especially the helium balloons hanging all over.
She wants to “ walk like me” so I take her out of the cart.
As a mama in a store with a 3-year-old, peripheral vision is a must. On an energetic level, it’s an expansion of my energetic awareness. It’s a skill to learn for sure and it’s taken some time. To expand awareness enough to encompass her, myself of course, and the surroundings. It’s actually not multitasking at all. Most people think of multitasking as trying to do many things at once that are separate from another. Yet this is more of an open focus, all-encompassing awareness of it all.
As humans we can be aware and feel our whole bodies in entirety, then us humans can make our awareness larger to encompass more than our bodies too. (you either know what I’m talking about, weren’t aware you were already doing it or your brain is twisting trying to understand this. If you want help with this, ask me).
I wasn’t always able to do this consistently. Many times I WOULD multitask, which was me darting my attention to what I was doing, then to her, what I was doing, then to her, in quick succession. That would become extremely overwhelming, anxiety inducing and tiring. I had many meltdowns. As a sensitive soul and empath, allowing my awareness to be all over the place was a real problem, one I struggled with a lot. So learning to open my awareness has been a lifesaver, along with the normal evolution of my being and becoming more grounded.
On to the card aisle. I’m guiding the cart in the front and she’s pushing it from the back. She tries all different methods of pushing. I can feel and see her as I look back every few seconds.
Throughout the store, we get some people who look over and smile. Some just light up when seeing young children and some look at us remembering when their children were that age.
The card aisle is fun and we are the only ones in it besides a couple of employees. She picks out some cards, rearranges (messes) a few, as I pick some cards myself. We agree on a couple of cards. She actually picked a great one for my mother in law herself.
Now we are headed to check out, and we go down through the rest of the card aisle not realizing the toys are there ….eek!
“ I want this…” she says holding some Frozen themed chalk holders.
Me: “ I understand but we aren’t getting that right now, come on let’s go.” (A small part of me ponders getting it but I decide no)
“I want this”….she says…I say no and tell her to come as I walk farther down the aisle.
She sees me pushing the cart and want to do it herself, whew a good distraction.
We are almost to the checkout but there are more flowers displayed! She runs over and I’m telling her to come here and that we need to pay for our things.
She not listening so I go over to get her. She runs away and giggles and I remind her she needs to stay near me in the store.
She’s pulled one of those Mother’s Day little signs out of a potted flower so I ask her to put it back.
We check out, And she wants to put things on the belt. We both do it, kinda and, YAY, we are done!
Push the cart through the parking lot? Hmm, I decide on being right behind her as we both push with my hands on top of her hands. We look both ways and go.
She tells me halfway to the car that my ring is hurting her hand. “Sorry I didn’t realize, “ I said.
We get to the car and I’m always constantly looking out for cars and making sure she is right by me. As she gets in I tell her we have one more stop before going to the park. She references some other use of the word stop and I realize that I used “stop” in a context she doesn’t know yet.
Seat belts on and off to the bank.
We had fun, even if that story didn’t seem like it. I pride myself in flowing with her through the store in a way that serves both of us. She enjoys her discovery and I get my things, and we both enjoy being together. She makes me laugh and smile a lot, along with making me crazy at times too of course.
Flowing with her has been a huge lesson for me. Lately, the deeper unfolding has been around allowing myself to be in the energy of play like she is all the time. Play and discovery are a much different energy than “have stuff to get done right now”. She pushes against that type of energy big time and I’m more in “serious mode” when I am like that. The whole combo makes for a very frustrating and unfulfilling experience on my end. And a frustrated toddler who doesn’t understand time and responsibilities in the way an adult does.
However, she always shows me how to happily skip along my path metaphorically speaking (she’s not quite skipping yet).
For me, this has been a long and winding journey. I’ve had a lot of resistance to it between feeling like I have so much to do and on top of that getting energetically overwhelmed quite often.
This most recent layer about being in play energy was a huge and powerful shift. One I’ve come to again and again over the past few years she’s been here. As always before something shifts, the limitations or the things that are about to release become magnified. I felt very in my mind and had a hard time being present. I was frustrated about not getting things done that I wanted to and also felt frustrated about how we were with each other at times. Overall it was a struggle.
Then, the shift. The glorious shift. The reminder. It can be easier. In fact it can be as you want it, as the message came to me.
There is always another shift coming into focus and nothing is how the perfectionist thoughts think they should be…. it’s actually better. Because the mind can’t possibly conceive our magical experience in the way our highest knowing can. Our mind doesn’t have all the information to pull from. Only limited aspects from past experiences and stories from others. Knowing knows all.
Play and flow energy isn’t about being silly bouncing off the walls all the time. That would be totally exhausting. Play and flow to me feels like gliding on a river looking around at all the beauty around. It feels like being present more in the moment without constantly looking for an end goal, or to cross something off a list. It’s surrendering to what is going on presently.
When we are constantly looking to finish things, we are waiting for the outcome to fulfill us and make us happy. Unfortunately that is very short lived, if it brings us joy at all. Usually we are so focused on completion to the point that we are already on to the next. When we are in more play and flow mode, we can enjoy the journey and the completion. Completion is awesome and should be celebrated, and we can enjoy the moment to moment journey too.
One of the most interesting things about being in more play mode is I actually get things done easier, I am more productive, I feel happier, more content and fulfilled with my whole life, I have creative inspirations more and space opens for me to create, my daughter and family is more in sync, she is more content and we are in deeper connection, and the list continues…..
What are your experiences with this? Do you tap into play and flow mode at times? If not, what aspects do you struggle with it?
Until Next Time….
Love,
Vanessa
